


To Live

by TheEreuinSisters



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Quote: It's Smutty Literature, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 20:59:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13085250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEreuinSisters/pseuds/TheEreuinSisters
Summary: Secret Santa Gift for a Dragon Age Fanfic Group!Happy holidays! I hope you enjoy ^^After the loss of a dear life in the struggle against the demons in the Fade, the Inquisitor struggles with herself and her concerns for the future of Thedas.When all seems bleak, it takes her beloved Commander to remind her what it feels like to live.





	To Live

The flashes of light were reminiscent of lightning that was hidden behind clouds, the familiar fade-touched green marking the identity of the source. I had fallen through, letting out a croak of a sob as I landed on the broken cobblestone from where the rift spat up those of us who had survived. Cursing, I slam my fist down on the stones as my form trembled, eyes wide with tears falling. Another loss of a life was in my hands. Another failure as the protector. Another. The word rang hollow in my mind, like a banshee who screeched of my faults and shortcomings like they were the omens of the inevitable destruction of the world I so desperately tried to save. 

 

My muscles screamed as I forced my way to my feet, fighting to stand upright as Inquisition soldiers raided the keep. It was a success, from the way that everyone was now turning to recuperate from the losses. They look at me with exhausted smiles, proud of their victory. I wish I could say I did the same. I wish I could say I had the capacity to appreciate this…

...but all I could feel was bitter loss.

 

“Inquisitor...” One voice broke through the sighs and cheers of relief, and my gaze was drawn toward its source. Hardened, weary eyes of an earthy hue stared back, tufts of honey-colored locks stained with red and returning to their untamed curl despite the sweat making it stick. His eyes bore into me and swept over my every feature, only for his brow to crease and a shuddering sigh to escape.

 

“Oh, thank the Maker, you're alright…” Cullen breathed, sliding his blade into his sheath and jogging his way over. I didn't have much time to react before my face was buried into his fur mantle, his arms wrapped firmly around me as if he were holding on for dear life. “Thank the Maker….”

 

In that moment, all of the ache and fatigue I had suppressed crashed down on me. I tried to be so strong for so long, but the second his arms were around me… All I could do was fall apart. Shaking, I held onto him as tightly as he held onto me, not caring for a second of what was happening in the world around us. In that moment… He was the only one who mattered. My fingers hooked on the fabric of his cloak, tugging at the fabric of the cloak that draped around him. I let out a whimper, the only sound my raw throat could produce, and Cullen shielded me from sight as he slowly lead me towards where the inquisition members had camped and were now tending to the wounded. “Cullen, you don’t- You have to think of the soldiers…” I croaked, now noticing how dry my throat was. The desperation in his supporting grip and the trembling of my weary legs reminded me just why he worried so. “I… Understand…”

  
  


He did not leave my side as the Healers tended to me. 

 

He did not leave my side that night at all.

 

In my daze of grief, I could only vaguely register it as he brought me to his quarters. The long and winding steps of Skyhold were too much to think about, and as we sat upon his bed, I could not help but sink into the fur at his shoulder, sobs beginning to take me over. What I had seen and failed to do was too much,  _ far _ too much. Cullen simply held me there hushing me gently and offering his arms. By the time I had cried every tear my body could conjure, I heard his voice faintly mutter into my ear.

 

“Never scare me like that again,” he urged.

 

My lips parted to answer, but no words came out. I couldn’t promise that, just as much as he could never promise me the same. I turned to meet his gentle, focused eyes, and I could feel us slowly gravitating toward one another. Our lips met and our arms tangled about our bodies in a desperate embrace. If no day was to avoid walking the line between life and death, then we would live at night, as if each was our last.

 

Our clothing was shed without a second thought, both of us smelling of blood and sweat and war.

We did not care.

Despite the heat of passion, I remember him looming over me, a constant expression of concern and adoration, eyes dark with lust but also wary of pain he may inflict. Time seemed to slow whenever my eyes met his, that gentle bronze gaze that held nothing but warmth. Those eyes that glazed over my every curve, the same eyes that stared with a surprising amount of mischievousness as he pried my legs apart. Those eyes that closed in focus as his tongue made me sing a tune that he so endeared.

The heat of pleasure hung heavy in the air, my cries melting as they leave my throat despite the icy wind coming from the broken ceiling-

-that I had asked him to fix, but he didn't listen. Resources, and all that. Of course.

 

My body shuddered with each gasp or the whimper I gave as he pulled away, desperately wishing to cling to his warmth, to the pleasure. He was quick to return, his arms wrapping around my lithe body as our lips mingled once again. My eyes closing, I hummed into the kiss until I felt it. My nails dug into Cullen's shoulder blades as he entered me, the low groan leaving his lips forcing a high-pitched shuddering moan to tear from my throat in response. 

I rubbed his back in apology for my nails, but his acceptance was already clear as he asked if I was ready in the low, husky tone that he only preserved for me.

 

Damn, am I lucky. Or rather, I wasn't sure if I was lucky entirely, but this… This was enough to be convincing.

 

I nodded, quickly and eagerly, no longer wishing to dawdle. Oh. Oh this…  _ Oh. _ I clung to him, his hips rocking with my own. Our own special dance of carnal pleasure, and love that knew no boundaries.  There was no pleasure to rival this; no pleasure to rise above it, and no pain to further ache in our hearts...for this was the last time we would touch until the next, as that would be the last then. Everything was always an end. But if I die tomorrow, or the next day?  _ This _ is what I will remember, and I will forever know that I have felt bliss.

 

The stars shown clearly above as my beloved Commander drove me to completion, his name on my lips and my legs shaking. I then shuddered as he soon followed suit. Cullen was quick to care for me, even helping me wash up when my legs were simply too limp to function. I could not recall how many times I told him I loved him, or thanked him for giving me such a wonderful gift. He smiled and took it with his own whispers of sweet words, and other words that made me blush all the way to my ears. Tucked in the comforts of his bed and wrapped in his arms, I felt myself truly relax.

 

While death still lingered in the back of my mind and although those blood stains may never wash out… I was reminded with a familiar feeling.

The feeling of what it was like to live.


End file.
